This was my conversation last night with my husband John.
Kerry: “I read about a missionary who locked herself in her room for four days to see for herself if God is a healing God. She had an infirmity for 12 years and she wanted to see if God would heal her. After the four days, she came out of her room, and God did heal her.”
John: “Do you think God wants to heal you?”
Kerry: “I’ve asked Him.”
John: “I don’t think we need to say a magic formula, or say it just so or lock ourselves in a room, right?”
Kerry: “Right.”
John: “I wish God would heal you.”
Kerry: “You know if God chooses to heal me, I will give Him all the glory, I will praise Him from the rooftops. I will throw the biggest party our church has ever seen.”
John: “Yup.”
Kerry: “But if He chooses not to heal me, I will still praise Him.”
John: Thoughtful silence.
Kerry: “I really didn’t want the verses that God gave me for this year. You know – Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so the Christ’s power may rest on me.’ “ (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)
John: “Yes, I know. This has been so hard.”
Kerry: “I’m just so weak. I can hardly do anything. It is so frustrating. It says in the verse to boast. I don’t boast. I complain. I wish I didn’t, but I do.”
John: Silence....what can he say, really??
Kerry: “I want Christ’s power to rest on me, so I will boast about my weakness. I will tell all who will listen that I am weak. I want Christ’s power to rest on me.”
It did not occur to me until last night how much I complain. Instead of relishing in the fact that I am weak, I gripe and complain. I put my eyes on myself and take them off the source of power and strength – Jesus. Why? When I have power, Christ’s power, at the ready, do I wallow in complaints? Why do I ruminate on my affliction and not just let it go? Why?
It was a sobering moment for my spirit, and I have been thinking about it ever since. Lord, I confess my complaining attitude. I confess my unwillingness to trust You completely with my body. This temple that houses Your Holy Spirit within me. I completely, fully surrender myself to You. Have Your way in me. Now my spirit feels at one with Christ once more. I had allowed a distance in between me and Jesus. That is never good. How can I realize the promise in 2 Corinthians if I keep my distance? How can I have Christ’s power rest on me if I have a complaining attitude. I can’t. And, if there is one thing I want, it is the power of Christ resting on me.
So what am I going to do? Boast. That is what I am going to do. I am going to boast in my weakness. I am going to boast in the fact that I have a Saviour that loves me. I am going to boast that His Word is true. I am going to boast that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. I am going to boast to anyone who is willing to listen, that my God is in charge of my life.
What about you? Do you find yourself complaining about your lot in life? Are you in a vicious cycle of complaints-depression-grumpiness? Oh, this is something that I have to fight all the time. Satan wants to drag me down this well-worn street and use me to mop up the mud. He makes it quite clear that he will do what he can to see me loose it. But. But. I am more that a conqueror. It says in Romans 8:37 – No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
This is how I keep going! This is how I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. I am victorious. Jesus has already won. The sting of death is no more. I am on the winning team. It is about Jesus and what He did.
How He set His eyes on Calvary and became sin for mankind. And then, how the grave was empty. And THEN, how He now is seated at the right hand of the Father interceding for us, for me. THIS is what keeps me going. Knowing that Jesus is talking to the Father about me. Did you know that there is another in the throne room talking about me? It is Satan. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night – Revelation 12:10. Isn’t that disgusting? Satan is yelling out accusations about me to the Father. Yelling. Oh, but the best part is, God only have ears for One. His Son. And He is listening to Jesus as He interacts and talks about me, His beloved. Did you know that He talks about you too, if you know Him as Lord and Savior.
So, yes. I will boast. I will boast that Christ is doing a work in me. He is in control. He is my King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Because when I am weak, I am strong – 2 Corinthians 12:10